Quick Quotes. (Sorta.)
written some time around 4:45 pm on September 27, 2008
Elephant jokes!
~~~
Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the jungle between three and five PM?
A: Because the that is when the elephants are jumping out of trees.
Q: Why are Pygmies so short?
A: Because they walk in the jungle between three and five PM.
Q: What is the difference between elephants and grapes?
A: Grapes are purple.
Q: What did Jane say when the herd of elephants came over the hill?
A: “Oh! Look at all the grapes.” Jane was color blind.
Q: How do elephants communicate?
A: They talk on the elephone.
Q: Who weighs 6000 pounds and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant
Q: What’s big and grey and can fly straight up?
A: An elecopter.
Q: What do elephants do for entertainment?
A: Watch elevision.
Q: How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
A: Open door, insert elephant.
Q: How do you tell if there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: Look for his footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you tell if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
A: Look for two sets of footprints side by side.
Q: How do you tell if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
A: The door won’t close.
Q: How many giraffes will fit in the refrigerator?
A: None: there are already too many elephants in there.
Q: How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
A: Open door, take out elephant, insert giraffe.
Q: How do you get an elephant into a Volkswagen Beetle?
A: Open the door, insert elephant, close door.
Q: How do you get 4 elephants in a Volkswagen?
A: Two in the front and two in the back.
Q: How do you know if an elephant is visiting your house?
A: There is a Volkswagen parked outside with 3 elephants in it.
Q: How do you get 8 elephants in a refrigerator?
A: Put 4 elephants in one Volkswagen, put four elephants in another Volkswagen, and put the two Volkswagens in the refrigerator.
Q: But two Volkswagons won’t fit in a refrigerator.
A: There were two elephants in there, and a Volkswagen isn’t as big as an elephant!
Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of cream soda, and an elephant.
Q: Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirins.
Q: Why did the elephant wear dark sunglasses?
A: So he wouldn’t be recognized.
Q: What did Tarzan say when the elephant came up over the hill?
A: Nothing. He didn’t recognize the elephant because he was wearing dark sunglasses.
Q: What did the cat say to the elephant?
A: Meow.
Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide in the strawberry patch.
Q: But there aren’t any elephants in the strawberry patch!
A: See, their camouflage is working.
Q: How do you get an elephant to the top of an oak tree?
A: Plant an acorn under him and wait 50 years.
Q: What if I don’t want to wait 50 years?
A: Put a parachute on the elephant and drop him from an elecopter.
Q: How do you get an elephant down from an oak tree?
A: Tell him to sit on a leaf and wait until autumn.
Q: Why are alligators long and flat?
A: They must have gotten too close to the oak tree.
Q: What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
A: About 3000 miles.
Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and a flea?
A: An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can’t have elephants.
Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and an egg?
A: If you don’t know, I hope you don’t do the grocery shopping!
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.
Q: Why did the Frenchman sprinkle salt on the road?
A: To keep elephants away.
Q: But there are no elephants in France.
A: See, it’s working!
Q: What do you do with a blue elephant?
A: Cheer him up.
Q: Where is the best place to see a herd of charging elephants?
A: On elevision.
Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
~~~
This calls for a rim-shot! Thanks to my dad, various joke books and the Internet for these wonderful jokes. . .
Hey look! An elephant!
This really did make me laugh out loud. I love it!